I was never finding the time to post this
i was supposed to post bout happy things but.....
not today......
I looked back at my life recently this weekend.
I found out that......
I actually regretted many things
The actually few true friends in my life are........
Seperated from me
Went to new school
Had their own lives now.......
Not much contact between us these days
Even justin......
Same class still......
Its really laughable and how disgusting i can actually get
I realise that i'm actually such a ^£$^&
I'm really hating myself
I can't keep my promise
I promised myself to tolerate everything
I did that in primary school
But after coming to secondary school
i realised that i could not do it anymore
i was feeling all alone again
All my true friends had truly left me
Now i just feel like,
i'm a empty and lifeless shell
With no soul nor spirit inside this lifeless body,
Just like an empty shell
I know that,
sorry doesn't work anymore
Nothing will ever bring those memories back to me ever again
Those times when i was truly happy
Running away to tampines mart after school and rushing back before cca starts
Endless exploring anywhere and everywhere
Running away to safra and chiong-ing our maplestory account
Nothing will ever remain
I find myself having substitutes for them too
Like having my account name Polaricicle
I will never forget the times i spent with them
i would give anything to just spend 1 last happy day with them
Even if it means for me to give up my life
I just wanna spend a few last moments with them.....
True happiness.....
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for breaking all the promises i made to you
I'm sorry for making empty promises to you
I'm sorry for annoying you guys everytime i felt like it
I'm sorry i had to tag along whereever you guys go.
Cos i realised.
After my first best true friend left me,
I was scared of being alone.
When xing hao left me for st hilda
I find myself crying in bed every night
Everytime i passed by st hilda
I would look out for him
I went to look at his dead blog
And found one of his post.
Then i realised.
How insensitive i was to him
He had been there for me everytime.
He was truly the only one who read my superdummy posts
Yet,
i had actually left him out when i played with others
Nevertheless,
He was the first one true friend i had in primary school
He was the first that i was happy and comfortable with
He was and is still my true friend now
Regardless of whether he knows it or not.
Terry.......
The times i spent with him were uncountable and happy
Though he sometimes made use of me
He would still include me in games and protected me
Still remembering the times when wenjie they all kept bullying me
he was one of the few boys who would actually protect me
Who would actually stand up for me
During duelmasters game
He would always protect me with his blockers
During basketball
Even though he often said i was noob
He encouraged me more than anyone else
He was my true good friend too
Playing basketball, studying together, playing duelmasters.
We even shared a maplestory account
There was Polaricicle our proud bishop
and the hermit and artist dit
a bandit
there was also the infighter and loads more
I felt truly happy
he was one of the only hopes i had that kept me from breaking down
Yu Ru.
I dont care what the primary school and secondary school people said
She's just a friend to me
But not just a friend
A very very very very good friend
She was the one who stood up for me
She took me around to places i didnt dare to go
She introduced me to where i didnt even knew exist
I promised her that if she ever needed my help,
I would be there for her in an instant
But now,
In secondary school
I cant even help her,
I've unknowingly changed
Changed for the worse
I've became more and more of a jerk.....
Yiming
Even though we were only good friends for a year
I still treated you as a very very very good friend up to now
You're the one who i truly looked up to
You're the role model that i set in mind
You're the person that i truly wanna defeat
You're the person who helped me when i was in need of help
I hope you still remember those times.....
Those truly great times we had at Maths Olympiad
........
Peix, Eun
Thanks for the wonderful times you had brought to me with yuru and terry
Went shopping around
Rushing here and there
Presents here and there
Playing catching in school
Standing up for me and including me in games
You didnt discriminate me for being fat and black
I truly thank you......
After this long post
I finally realised that i actually had such a great primary school life and such great friends.
For this
I thank god for giving me such friends
But i also have to blame myself
I didn't know their true importance to me until now.....
I didnt know to cherish them
i now then know the pain of losing your cherished ones
i now then know the true meaning of "knowing how to cherish only after you lose them" and
"losing your cherished ones without even knowing it"
I didnt even get to say goodbye......
Well then.....
End of my post
I dont care whether if you have any negative comments
or you're gonna make fun of this post
If you are gonna do that
Just fuck off
My life is terrible enough without random people ruining it......
